It’s 2:15 am and I spent the entire weekend out-of-town and am paying for it. I was off track for a few days, but I am back. I have to completely restructure my preproposal. I can’t do a case study like my colleague suggested. It just doesn’t seem right to me. I found a dissertation similar to what I want to do, but it took a phenomenology approach. I will have to redo my preproposal, type it up by the morning and send it to my mentor asap. We are finally scheduled to talk this afternoon. I hate to change it on her, but at least she will see that I have worked on it. Staying up til 4 am again. Not good.
I finally talked to mentor. She is great! This is all a divine setup for sure. She approved the changes I made this morning. Lord, thank you for giving me the ability to do this. I will do some more lit. review this week and then get to writing.
It’s 7:45 pm and I have not been able to go to the library. My husband had a long day and he let me know over the phone that this was too much. He goes back to what I told him after the Comps were over (that things should start getting better), but how was I supposed to know exactly what this dissertation would entail? I’ve only been working on it for two weeks! I had to get on my kids most of the afternoon because of their fighting and I have fought a headache all day. All this and I am supposed to think critically and scholarly? I haven’t said a word to anyone for the last 15 minutes. Any bit of peace helps.
My husband suggested that I bend my schedule to leave the house because he is going to be too busy with his contracts. So, now I can’t leave the house and I am going to pretend as if I am not here. It is the only way I can manage. I will set the kids up with what they need before I close my door. Of course my baby will be stuck to my hip, but can’t change that at this point. The most important thing is to stay calm when things don’t go my way. Change is OK. Change is OK…
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